Just Chatting

It's hard for me to articulate all that I feel and think right now. The past two weeks have rendered this one still very surreal.
I think of Quanah all day, every day. It's like the sand agitating the oyster. Sometimes it trips me up and I can't think straight. Sometimes thoughts of him make me laugh. Sometimes I just replay bad memories over and over and I wish I didn't have them to reference.
And, like always when someone in our circle passes, I tend to think of what kind of gap that person is leaving behind...and then I commit to shouldering some of hir contributions.
With Niels, it was obvious, my task was to hug fully, with all my heart, and to help others when I could.
When Sharmayne passed, I committed to recognizing when others were in deep pain, not to assume that because someone is beautiful (s)he has no difficulties...
What shall Quanah's mantle be? I think of the importance of seizing every moment that I have a child...any other living being really...in my path, and sharing what I think and feel and believe. I know I need to listen more intently, be more quiet, more respectful.

peace in
love more
Hope abundantly